Noodles 1.0

• All the stuff you hate on a strangers food blog

  Noodles yo. This is def the type of thing I would make and people would say “what’s the recipe?” and I didn’t have one because you should cook with your heart and not be afraid to call Papa fucking John if its bad. So here’s the recipe because I have a food blog now, like the OGs used to talk about in rap music.

  This recipe uses two (kind of new) ingredients to me. The Doban Djan or fermented sichuan bean paste and the canton egg noodles. The paste - I’ve used a different brand before but it’s been a long time. More about this later. And the noodles, again just a new brand for me, but not exactly what I had in mind. They were aiight. 8/10 would purchase again.

  Alright, so VG-. It was good. I hadn’t eaten all day so a SODIUM BOMB with shitty carbs, shrimp, and some cabbage is going to smack every time. It’s a minus though because I used too much fermented bean paste. It’s salty af, and spicy af. Version 1.1 of this i’ll cut the rotten bean slurry in half. And do something more sweet like palm sugar.

• Ingredients

  • 200g Cantonese Style Egg Noodles ( I need to make affiliate links on amazon for this stuff)

  • 2 tbsp Lee Kum Kee Chili Bean Sauce Toban Djan (I’ve seen it spelled other ways)

  • 4 cups Napa Cabbage (Buy the smallest one you can, use the hearty bits and save the leafy bits)

  • 1/2lb Raw Shrimp, shelled, veined.

  • 1/4 Cup Dry Roasted Peanuts

  • 1 bunch Scallion, white and light green. Save the dark for making it fancy.

  • 5 medium cloves Garlic

  • 1 cubic inch knob, peeled Ginger

  • 1 long red chili pepper, minced

  • 2tbsp Soy Sauce

  • 1tbsp Dark Soy Sauce

  • 1tsp Maple Syrup (wild, I know)

  • 1tsp Cornstarch

  • 1tbsp Black Vinegar

• Process

  1. Cook the noodles according to the package - for me that was soaking for 10 minutes and then boiling for 3 minutes. Don’t rinse your noodles, doodz.

  2. Mise en place yo shit. It goes quick, making noodles, so make sure everything is cut before you start.

  3. Make your sauce - Combine all the liquid ingredients. And If I need to list those for you this dish is too advanced for you. Sorry, not sorry.

  4. Get a wok as ripping hot as you can in your house. fry your shrimp in your favorite cooking oil (like 4 tablespoons), I’ve been on Canola lately, but peanut is my favorite. Remove the shrimp and keep the extra oil in the wok

  5. let the oil come back to temperature and add your aromatics. Everything but the noodles, cabbage, shrimp, peanuts, and sauce… doodz.

  6. Fry until it smells divine, maybe 2 minutes? Who uses a clock for these steps? Cook with your heart.

  7. add the cabbage to the wok and mix a bit but then stop fucking with it. I’m serious. Let the heat and the pan and the oil do it’s thing and get some crusty niceness on the cabbage. Like 5 minutes, stirring seldomly.

  8. Put the drained NOT RINSED noodles on top of the vegetables. they’ll steam a bit to come back to life.

  9. Add your sauce and stir vigorously. VIGOR DOODZ.

  10. once the sauce is all up on those noodz, add the shrimp and peanuts.

  11. You don’t want to mess with it too much. Again, fire and steel do the magic. It will feel sticky while it’s doing it’s thing. It’s scary I know.

  12. Kill the heat. Dish it up. Make it fancy like, and CRUSH IT.